God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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