where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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