Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
