when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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