she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
