I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
