The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Two words: blizzard sex
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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