Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
