what day is it and did you see me today?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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