the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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