oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
