Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
