so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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