Non-Jews are for practice
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
