i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
