sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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