he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
