Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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