I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she looked like the before picture.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
