My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
