you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
