she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
