my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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