I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
