so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
