That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
