Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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