He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize