In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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