The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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