i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
