When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
