I looked at my own cervix.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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