he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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