Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
