would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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