OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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