Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
