Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
