So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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