Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
