On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize