im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
