capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
