shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
