my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
