I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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