i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
