He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
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Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
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And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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