This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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