THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
