I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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