I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You are a genius and a whore.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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