god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
