im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
