note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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