it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
