Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter