he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?