girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
