You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
this will be a night to untag.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
