Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
