She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
