smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
